There are a few things I had forgotten about pregnancy.
I forgot how fascinating it is to feel someone move inside you. As he grows stronger his movements have gone from slight flutters to hard kicks and large shifts in position that are hard to miss. Despite the fact that it happens almost all day long, it never ceases to amaze me. How very strange it is to suddenly see your entire stomach jult, quiver or shift. To suddenly see a large lump start to protrude from your side and imagine the little foot or knee or elbow that lies below the surface of your own skin.
I had forgotten the impossibility of sleep. The frusteration of waking up uncomfortable but being almost incapable of rolling yourself over.
I forgot the excited anticipation that grows each day that you dream of holding a little one. The tightening in your chest when you see someone else's newborn and realize that in just a few months you will be nestling your own against your chest. Snuggling their face up by yours as you run your palm up and down the back that fits so perfectly in your hand.
I didn't think I had forgotten the physical strain that pregnancy puts on your body....but I had. It is hard and once you hit the third trimester you start to feel a little more worn down every day. Your body drags and your eyelids droop while at the same time your mind races from hormones and a sleep-deprived type mania.
I forgot the insatiable need to feel prepared. I am never satisfied. As soon as I finish one task I begin obsessing over the next. I had forgotten how urgently you feel the need to sort every box in your basement, scrub your tub with a toothbrush or organize your tupperware drawer....better yet, go buy all new, color-coordinating tupperware.
I forgot the tears. How it sometimes feels as though they are always waiting just behind your smile. I had forgotten what it is like to feel completely happy and content with life but still feel as though you are just barely holding back tears. Sometimes, I am not even holding them back. Sometimes they are streaming down my face and I am still strangely unable to pinpoint the reason.
I had forgotten the joy of loving someone you have not yet met. The satisfaction in knowing you are sacrificing of your own body and energy to help receive a blessing the Lord is granting your family. A son for my husband, brother for my daughter, grandchild for my parents, nephew for my sisters, another sweet soul for me to mother. I am a monumental part of the way God will use this sweet baby boy and my heart swells with love and anticipation for him.
